Drawn & Quartered

Sometimes it feels as if each of my limbs are tied to a separate horse, and each horse walks in four completely different directions--north, south, east, and west.

If one of the four paths led to a job that made me miserable, or a stagnant relationship, the task of balancing and compartmentalizing might not be so mighty, but in the case that each horse represents another area of intense interest is problematic when one lives in a world with 24 hour days.

What do I give up?  

Right now I am doing so many exciting, creative things, but I am beginning to feel that if I don't let a thing or two go, not only will I continue to exhaust myself, but I won't really be able to fully pursue any one thing.  

I love making jewelry and knitwear, but I'm thinking that at least for now I need to cool it with focusing on the business side of things. Treating my craft like a business, at least right now, is making it impossible for me to make anything for myself or friends, and makes the process feel more like production than creation. When the intention is to make money from a project, I am more focused on speed and less on the process, and am keeping very strongly in my mind the understanding that I must make things that people want to buy.  

But all I really want to do right now is make my dog a sweater, and make myself some new earrings. If I weren't also spending a lot of time writing, I would have time for a dog sweater, but my need to write is really at the center of this creativity crisis.

I NEED to write, and I need to write a lot all the time. I'm working on a book. It needs my attention, and I need it, and I can't justify leaving it alone to make some things that some people may or may not buy. 

I want my efforts to be meaningful. I want the things I spend time on to mean something.

More on this later... 

 

On my way to get my barista bar certification...hopefully...yay!